He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
