i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
NoShamevember. You game?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
