My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
