I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
