There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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