I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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