Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
