Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
