Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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