sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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