Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
