I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
