honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
