Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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