So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
