Tell her she can't have a vagina
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
