You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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