Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
