i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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