His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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