You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize