Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
