Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
