We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
