This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
