if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
