in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
