every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
