I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
