I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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