I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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