Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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