i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
