I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
