thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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