i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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