I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
