then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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