we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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