She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm at about main and main street
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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