So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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