you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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