i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
