are you so shy because you have an std?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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