it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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