Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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