I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
