Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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