my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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