remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
