Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
