i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
