It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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