booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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