A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize