I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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