Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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