the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
