Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
