I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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