so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
