Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
