I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
