i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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