So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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