Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
