He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
